Please forgive my impertinent intrusion
With this limerick story allusion,
But if you start to think
This poem doesn’t stink,
You are suffering from one grand delusion!
Limerick Ode for Jeremy
There once was a lad from Port Edwards
Who found a gal’s ad and then read words.
He thought it amusing
And so stopped his cruising,
And planned how he might take it forwards.
He wrote to the girl on the website.
He said, “Clever! I think you are just right.
Your profile’s the best
Compared to the rest,
And I’m willing to put up a fair fight.
I enjoyed your essay about man-shopping.
I read it straight through without once stopping.
Is there room, can you see,
In your cart there for me?
Or is my flattery try only flopping?”
The girl replied, “Thanks for the sentiment.
I’m glad the ad was not a detriment.
You got my fun wit,
And our interests do fit,
And I think you are right in my element.
With my eloquent use of parenthesis…
(And your plentiful share of ellipses),
We’ll start our flirtation
With sly punctuation
That would give English teachers conniptses.”
They found that they both enjoyed cachin’,
A sport that was all in the fashion,
Visiting forests and bogs
To sign many logs
Without any reason or ration.
The boy and the girl wrote quite frequently
When a date was proposed not delinquently.
He said, “I think we should meet
At Pike Lake’s highest peak,
And then climb up the tower subsequently.”
He arrived with a broken speedometer
On his cycle (both in miles and kilometer),
She watched him alit
And had to admit,
The sight raised her internal thermometer.
The weather spawned perfect conditions
To walk and talk about plans and ambitions.
They went geocaching,
And so they went dashing
For a box that could hold ammunitions.
Telling a really bad joke ‘bout a friar,
As they whacked through the bushes and briar,
She thought, “This is the end
Of my Match-dot-com friend,
And my love life will get even drier.”
But he cared less about the humor awry
And rewarded the valiant try.
He said, “Date number two
Is all up you,”
And she smiled as she waved him goodbye.
They met to bowl on date two and then eat
At a restaurant just down the street.
He leaned in to see
A necklace, though he
Planned a kiss but developed cold feet.
After the failed try in lot DiMarini’s,
He sighed, “I’m the biggest of weenies!”
But he made up for this
With a very sweet kiss
On date three at Saint Frances Cabrini’s.
They clicked and had date number four,
Then they dated and dated some more.
Romance grew during the courting,
And by date number fourteen,
They started to call it amour.
Knowing her heart was emotionally invested,
She thought it was time she requested,
“Am I your one in a million?”
“No, one in a billion,”
He delivered, “though who would have guessed it?!”
So our lad from Port Edwards has found
A gal who seems mentally sound.
Let’s hope that they
Remain sane to stay,
Though crazy in love all around.
So this is the end of the love poem.
I’ve gone through with a very fine-toothed comb.
If you found that I’ve erred,
I really don’t care.
And if my rhyming doesn’t work, too bad.